Toadstools & Trauma

I had a near death experience when I was about four years old. I don’t remember the event itself, but it had a lasting impact, nonetheless. One afternoon, I climbed into my Pop’s lap and mentioned I didn’t feel very well, just before I lost consciousness. While I was at the hospital, my siblings scoured the backyard and found evidence that I had consumed a poisonous mushroom, AKA a toadstool. My stomach was pumped of its contents and other measures were taken to save my life. It was a defining moment in my life and it changed me, whether I knew it or not.

My parents told me the story when I was several years older because I had an unexplained fear of eating mushrooms. Once I knew the story, I was able to take steps to reconcile my fear and to begin exploring the flavors of mushrooms again. At first, they had to be cooked and cut into very small pieces, but over time, I enjoyed mushrooms in many forms! In its entirety, this experience taught me a few important lessons:

+ Children learn and adapt from traumatic events very early in life, even when they don't remember what happened.

+ Early childhood trauma, or repeated exposure to trauma, often leads to changes in behavior, intended to ensure safety or survival.

+ Such adaptive behaviors, based on survival instincts, often transform over time into coping mechanisms which are applied to everyday, non-threatening challenges and can become barriers to personal growth or professional development.

My experience from eating a poisonous mushroom was traumatic and I adapted my behaviors to keep myself safe. I avoided mushrooms altogether for a very long time. I also became more cautious in other areas of my life. I trusted myself less, which impacted my confidence, assertiveness, and decisiveness. I did not remember eating the mushroom or any of the consequences of the moment, but this event significantly changed how I showed up in the world and how I navigated my environment for years, and still today.

Only recently, I am beginning to understand the impact of this early childhood experience beyond the fear of mushrooms I overcame years ago by taking specific actions to do so. Now I contemplate how those same actions are applicable to overcoming other barriers to personal growth. It is imperative to understand the root cause for a barrier, fear, challenge, trauma response, or life cycle in order to devise a course of action which promotes healing or achieves another desired state. Here are a few necessary steps for overcoming barriers.

+ Reflect on where you have been, objectively. Be honest and accountable for your thoughts or behaviors. Recognize if/when you were in a circumstance or environment requiring survival mode, what strategies were applied (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), and what behaviors resulted (anger, anxiety, passivity, compromise, etc).

+ Start where you ARE. You can’t go back, except to reflect. You can’t move forward, per se, until you take action, which begins with you, where you are. Are you still in a place requiring survival or are you still just navigating from a state of survival mode?

+ Make an actionable plan to work toward your goal or desired state. What do you want to achieve? Where do you want to go, specifically? What do you need to do? Identify what you need to learn, build, create, or conquer to eliminate barriers or make measurable progress. Set milestones for yourself. Iterative and incremental progress allows for agility and adaptability when moving toward something you desire.

+ Celebrate reaching milestones! Those smaller achievements are fuel for your fire and keep you going when things get tough. Take time to measure your progress and recognize your success on a regular basis. This practice can help build up a reserve (like money in the bank) to help you when you do face failure, which is an inevitable component of growth (and of success).

+ Seek assistance if and when needed. Whether through personal education, social support, or professional counseling, find what works for you and never be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help.

Childhood trauma, ANY trauma, can have a profound impact on how we perceive and navigate our environment. For years, I felt safer avoiding mushrooms altogether, but I was missing so many flavors, so many opportunities, as a result. What are you avoiding in your life? What opportunities are you missing as a result? What steps can you take to overcome the fears, challenges, trauma responses, or barriers that stifle your growth?